I’ve found that if I get tough, then people push back in one way or another. If I am soft, then things become less orderly over time.

It’s no surprise, of course. From the field of thermodynamics we know that systems break down over time. Jung addressed the psychology of this. It led folks to talk about "psychological entropy": left alone, people get bummed out. It’s the proverbial, “idle mind, devil’s playground” kind of thing. To me, it partly explains why people don't do what they intend (but that's another story).

And then there’s Newton’s third law of motion: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This law predicts what happens when a leader gets too tough. He or she might get compliance, at least in the short term, but somewhere, somehow, there will be damage done (office politics, theft from the supply cupboard, accepted calls from head hunters).

So, I think I’ve concluded that elegant leadership is this fine line between being an overbearing meanie versus being a wuss: provide direction, don’t kick up dust.

And, when things get really out of whack, provide stronger leadership while helping people to see that you still love them.